Chapter 11 — Holy Fucking Shit
And thus begins Chapter Eleven.
Now, children.
There I was.
In a lake.
Actively attempting
not to drown.
Because I had voluntarily yeeted myself into water
to escape a completely unverified organ harvesting operation.
And
important
failing.
Children.
The swimming problem remained.
Flop.
Kick.
Surface.
Water.
More water.
Air briefly.
Then
splashes.
Big ones.
The council looks toward shore.
Oh no.
Yes.
From somewhere in my peripheral vision,
through darkness,
panic,
and the general visual quality of a man currently arguing with buoyancy
figures.
Entering the lake.
The muscular men.
Both of them.
Children.
Conclusion?
Inventory retrieval.
Obviously.
The council sighs.
Not rescue?
No.
Story Nuo had committed to the theory.
You cannot abandon a conspiracy simply because its alleged criminals are now jumping into a lake to save you.
No.
Clearly
they had realized their merchandise was trying to destroy itself.
The council checks logic.
Consistent?
Technically.
Excellent.
Fear?
Yes.
Resistance?
Zero.
Because now we had priorities.
Organ harvesting?
Later.
Drowning?
Now.
Children.
Later problem beats now problem.
Flawless decision making.
Take organs eventually.
Fine.
Just first
please remove Nuo from lake.
The giants reached me.
And
inventory recovered.
Children.
They hauled me out.
Dragged or carried or otherwise relocated the extremely disappointing organ package
back onto land.
And there
ground.
Beautiful.
Solid.
Does not attempt to enter lungs.
Highly underrated material.
I collapsed.
On my back.
Coughing.
Spitting.
Children.
An ocean.
Possibly the entire lake.
The council checks hydrological impact.
Water level reduced?
Marginally.
Excellent.
I coughed again.
Breathed.
Air.
Still excellent.
And then I looked around.
Two giant men crouched beside me.
Soaked.
Completely.
Because their evening had apparently included:
Stand outside.
Talk to attractive woman.
Watch strange hoodie man slowly migrate toward lake.
Watch strange hoodie man throw himself into lake.
Jump in after strange hoodie man.
Retrieve strange hoodie man.
Children.
Their shift had deteriorated rapidly.
Then
Maximum Anime.
She came over.
Crouched beside me.
Looking at me.
Checking me.
Actually concerned.
Or
inventory damage assessment.
The council bangs table.
STILL?
Children.
The theory was weakening.
Not gone.
Weakening.
She looked genuinely worried.
The two giants looked genuinely worried.
Which confused me.
Because
inventory successfully retrieved.
Why concern after retrieval?
Unless
empathy?
The council whispers.
Impossible.
Story Nuo was investigating.
And Maximum Anime asked
“Dude, what the fuck happened?”
Pause.
Children.
Excellent question.
Possibly the best question anyone had asked all evening.
There were many reasonable responses available.
Option One.
“Thank you for saving me.”
Good.
Option Two.
“Where are we?”
Very useful.
Option Three.
“What is going on?”
Exceptional.
Option Four.
“Why were you talking to these men?”
Relevant.
Option Five.
“You guys aren’t trying to harvest my organs?”
Pause.
Children.
One second.
Three faces.
Still.
Maximum Anime.
Giant One.
Giant Two.
All staring at me.
The council watches understanding form.
Slowly.
Painfully.
Then
disbelief.
Collective.
Pure.
Like all three had simultaneously received access to the internal conspiracy board
that had led a grown adult
from:
attractive woman likes me
to:
international organ trafficking
to:
escape via lake despite inability to swim.
And then
laughter.
Children.
Not one person.
All of them.
Maximum Anime laughed.
The giants laughed.
And I remained on the ground,
wet,
confused,
still not entirely certain whether this laughter had positive implications for kidney ownership.
But then?
More laughter.
The kind that said:
No.
This is not a criminal enterprise.
This man is simply an idiot.
The council nods.
Reassuring.
Somewhat.
Eventually,
Maximum Anime
Maximum Security at this point, given how effectively her associates had recovered me
helped me up.
Children.
Standing.
Wet hoodie.
Wet trousers.
Wet everything.
Praise be to hoodie inventor,
but even sacred garments lose concealment efficiency when soaked.
The council looks at muffin status.
Classified.
Good.
Now.
Were we leaving?
No.
Of course not.
Children.
We had not even established what was happening.
The night had reached a point where actual conversation became unavoidable.
Maximum Anime led me back toward the scooter.
Not onto it.
Near it.
She sat sideways across the seat.
And looked at me.
The council sees posture.
Interrogation mode.
Yes.
Children.
That posture.
One leg perhaps down.
Body turned toward me.
Face saying:
You are about to explain
every fucking thing
that just happened.
And I?
Standing before her.
Dripping.
Lake scented.
Confused.
Potential bonk probability having somehow survived the attempted self drowning.
The two giants nearby.
Still probably processing their career choice.
Maximum Anime asked again.
“Dude.
What the hell happened?”
And this time
transparency.
Full.
Children.
No editing.
No attempt to make myself appear rational.
I explained the conspiracy board.
Start to finish.
We leave Dee Tee.
Unknown scooter destination.
Farther from familiar pub geography.
Dark place.
Mysterious building.
Two huge men.
Conversation.
Gestures at Nuo.
Therefore
organ harvesting.
Simple.
The council stares.
You said all of this?
Everything.
Children.
Once your dignity has been recovered from a lake by two strangers,
there is very little left to protect.
I explained the internal subtitles too,
in essence.
You point at me?
Obviously saying:
Take his kidneys.
Man looks at me?
Assessing inventory.
Conversation continues?
Negotiating price.
And when survival instincts finally appeared?
Escape.
Lake.
Small complication:
cannot swim.
The council listens to the reconstruction.
Maximum Anime’s face changed.
Children.
You know that expression.
Not anger.
Not concern anymore.
Something much worse.
The:
You absolute idiotic potato.
face.
Pure disbelief.
No words required.
Her eyes alone communicated:
This.
This is the brain I selected inside Dee Tee.
The council laughs.
And the longer I explained,
the worse it became.
Because every new detail revealed another layer.
The imagination.
The assumption.
The complete absence of self esteem necessary to conclude:
She likes me
was somehow less plausible than:
She runs an organ trafficking operation.
And finally
the escape plan.
Lake.
Cannot swim.
Children.
Peak.
Maximum Anime tried to hold it.
For perhaps half a second.
Then
giggle.
Not elegant.
Not polite.
Not the little giggle from Hat in Kovalam.
No.
This was the first fracture.
A:
holy fucking shit.
Did this actually happen?
giggle.
Then it expanded.
Louder.
Messier.
Shoulders moving.
Actual laughter.
The kind where the person is no longer laughing at one sentence.
They’re laughing at the entire sequence.
At the full architecture of stupidity.
Children.
And frankly?
Fair.
From her perspective,
the evening had been
very different.
And finally,
I received that perspective.
Useful.
Extremely.
Maximum Anime explained.
She had been dancing.
Normal night.
Then she saw
a guy.
The council looks toward Nuo.
Cute.
Pause.
Children.
She thought Nuo was cute.
The council checks translation.
Confirmed?
Confirmed.
No dare?
No.
No organ market?
No.
No mistaken identity?
No.
No catastrophic gold digger assessment?
No.
She simply
liked what she saw.
Children.
This information alone caused another internal reboot.
Because remember:
Story Nuo had ranked
organ harvesting
above
genuine attraction.
And apparently?
Wrong.
Completely.
She had seen me.
Thought I was cute.
Moved closer.
Danced with me.
Grinding?
Intentional.
Hand?
Intentional.
Dance floor invitation?
Intentional.
“Let’s get out of here”?
Very intentional.
The council watches Story Nuo process.
Oh.
Yes.
Children.
Oh.
Maximum Anime then explained the destination.
Where were we?
Private party.
Pause.
Not surgical lab.
Private.
Exclusive.
Party.
The council checks lake.
Still real?
Unfortunately.
Yes.
And the two giants?
Bouncers.
Children.
Bouncers.
Not organ retrieval specialists.
Not black market surgical assistants.
Not kidnappers.
Just
bouncers.
Big men whose literal professional requirement often involves
being big men near doors.
Suddenly the muscles made considerably more sense.
The council nods.
And the conversation?
Negotiation.
Maximum Anime was trying to get me inside.
Children.
That was it.
She had brought me to an exclusive party
and was speaking with the bouncers
because apparently the strange hoodie creature she had collected from Dee Tee
was not automatically on the list.
The gestures toward me?
Not:
Harvest him.
More likely:
Him.
Yes.
That idiot.
I’m with him.
Can he come in?
The council looks at the lake.
And while she negotiated entry
Nuo quietly escaped.
Correct.
Into water.
Correct.
Without knowing how to swim.
Yes.
The council becomes silent for several seconds.
Children.
Perspective is devastating.
From my side:
Kidnap attempt.
From her side:
I found a cute guy at the pub
and brought him to a party.
Then while I was trying to get him admitted,
he threw himself into a lake.
The council collapses.
Perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
And suddenly
everything rearranged.
The eye contact.
Real.
The smile.
Real.
The grinding.
Real.
The hand.
Real.
The invitation.
Real.
The attraction.
Real.
Children.
Maximum Anime had not mistaken me for somebody else.
Had not lost a bet.
Had not identified a rare kidney donor.
She had chosen me.
Willingly.
Why?
Unknown.
Still.
The council shrugs.
Taste is mysterious.
Exactly.
No amount of evidence could explain that part.
But confirmed?
Yes.
She was attracted to me.
And now
children
with context installed,
Story Nuo finally looked backward at the last portion of his own night.
Maximum Anime likes Nuo.
Takes Nuo to private party.
Negotiates with bouncers.
Nuo interprets negotiation as organ trafficking.
Nuo attempts stealth escape.
Nuo chooses lake.
Nuo cannot swim.
Bouncers rescue Nuo.
Pause.
The council waits for verdict.
Holy fucking shit.
What the fuck,
me?
Exactly.
Children.
Judgment issued.
Not by Present Nuo.
No decade of maturity required.
Story Nuo,
right there,
still dripping beside the scooter,
had enough information to realize
this had been catastrophically stupid.
Did that realization transform him?
Please.
No.
Children.
One confirmed misunderstanding does not cure Nuo.
It simply updates the map.
Organ harvesting?
Removed.
Private party?
Added.
Maximum Anime attraction?
Confirmed.
Bonk possibility?
Children.
Back from the dead.
The council laughs.
Of course.
And that
perhaps
was the most important development.
Because now the situation was no longer frightening.
Now?
Interesting.
Very.
Maximum Anime was sitting on the scooter,
still laughing intermittently.
Two soaked bouncers had just saved my life because I misunderstood their job description.
I stood there drenched.
And somewhere beyond them
exclusive party.
Children.
The shit show had not ended.
We had merely corrected its premise.
And somehow,
that made the next decision extremely easy.
The council checks Anime Girl Protocol.
Still active?
Stronger than ever.
Maximum Anime had now been confirmed to:
actually like Nuo,
actually choose Nuo,
and not currently intend to sell Nuo in pieces.
Children.
Massive upgrade.
The night continued.
Thus concludes Chapter Eleven.
The Lake.
The Failed Attempt Not To Drown.
The Giant Splashes.
The Arrival Of The Alleged Organ Retrieval Team.
Inventory Recovery.
The Ground.
The Ocean Of Water Leaving Nuo.
The Two Drenched Giants.
Maximum Anime’s Concern.
Inventory Damage Assessment?
Still Under Review.
“Dude, What The Fuck Happened?”
“You Guys Aren’t Trying To Harvest My Organs?”
The Three Way Stare.
The Collective Laughter.
The Scooter Interrogation.
The Full Conspiracy Board.
The You Absolute Idiotic Potato Face.
The Giggle.
The Messy Laughter.
And
The Other Side Of The Story.
Maximum Anime Saw A Guy She Thought Was Cute.
Children.
Nuo.
Cute.
Confirmed.
She approached him.
Danced with him.
Took him away.
Brought him to
a private exclusive party.
The Hulking Men?
Bouncers.
The Suspicious Conversation?
Negotiations to get Nuo inside.
The Suspicious Gestures?
“This idiot.
He’s with me.”
And while Maximum Anime attempted to secure entry for the man she had voluntarily selected,
that man silently concluded he was about to lose his kidneys
and threw himself into a lake.
The council reviews the evidence.
Story Nuo,
still dripping wet,
finally received the correct context.
And for perhaps the first time that night,
his judgment was flawless.
Holy fucking shit.
What the fuck,
me?
